The phrase describes a scenario the place somebody exerts extreme effort, usually past what is cheap or needed, to accommodate one other particular person’s wants or wishes. This includes actions perceived as overly obliging, typically to the detriment of 1’s personal well-being or priorities. An instance can be a person persistently accepting unreasonable calls for at work to take care of a positive notion amongst colleagues and superiors.
The idea highlights the dynamics of interpersonal relationships, specializing in boundaries, expectations, and the potential for exploitation. Traditionally, societal norms and energy constructions have influenced the prevalence of such behaviors. The benefits could embrace perceived social acceptance, avoidance of battle, or upkeep of a particular picture. Nonetheless, downsides continuously embody burnout, resentment, and an erosion of self-respect.
The following dialogue will delve into the psychological underpinnings of this conduct, its implications for varied skilled environments, and methods for establishing more healthy boundaries. Additional matters will embrace recognizing manipulative techniques and fostering assertive communication expertise for private {and professional} development.
1. Extreme Lodging
Extreme lodging types a central tenet of the conduct encapsulated by “bending over backwards.” It signifies a sample of persistently prioritizing the wants and calls for of others over one’s personal, usually to an unreasonable extent. Understanding its sides is vital to deconstructing the underlying mechanisms of this conduct and its potential ramifications.
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Compromised Private Boundaries
This includes a constant failure to determine and preserve wholesome private boundaries. People participating in extreme lodging continuously wrestle to say “no” or assert their very own wants, resulting in a blurring of traces between private duty and the expectations of others. A typical instance includes frequently accepting additional work assignments regardless of being overloaded, in the end compromising private time and well-being.
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Concern of Disapproval
A big driver of extreme lodging is the worry of disapproval or rejection. This worry can manifest as a have to consistently search validation and approval from others, main people to prioritize the wishes of others to keep away from potential battle or criticism. The underlying assumption is that assembly others’ wants will guarantee acceptance and forestall unfavourable penalties. This could manifest as a co-worker agreeing to duties exterior their job description fearing administration disapproval.
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Neglect of Self-Care
Extreme lodging inherently includes neglecting one’s personal wants and well-being. The fixed deal with fulfilling the calls for of others leaves little time or power for self-care actions, leading to burnout, stress, and a decline in total bodily and psychological well being. Examples embrace sacrificing sleep, neglecting private hobbies, or ignoring bodily illnesses to fulfill exterior obligations.
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Erosion of Authenticity
Over time, extreme lodging can result in a gradual erosion of authenticity and self-identity. Consistently prioritizing the wants of others and suppressing one’s personal wishes can lead to a lack of reference to one’s true self. People could wrestle to determine their very own values, beliefs, and preferences, resulting in a way of vacancy and a scarcity of goal.
These interconnected sides spotlight the detrimental penalties of extreme lodging, illuminating its central position within the dynamics of “bending over backwards.” Recognizing these patterns permits people to proactively tackle the underlying causes and develop methods for establishing more healthy boundaries, fostering self-respect, and selling total well-being.
2. Boundary Neglect
Boundary neglect is a vital element underlying the conduct sample described by the phrase “bending over backwards.” It represents a constant failure to determine, talk, and implement private limits inside interpersonal relationships {and professional} contexts. This deficiency leaves people weak to exploitation, burnout, and a diminished sense of self-worth.
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Erosion of Private Area
Boundary neglect leads to a progressive diminishment of psychological and emotional house. People exhibiting this trait usually permit others to encroach upon their time, power, and sources with out resistance. This could manifest as persistently accepting further tasks regardless of being overloaded or allowing intrusive questioning and unsolicited recommendation. The consequence is a gradual lack of management over one’s personal life and priorities.
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Compromised Autonomy
A direct results of boundary neglect is a compromised sense of autonomy. The constant prioritization of others’ wants over one’s personal results in a diminished capability for impartial decision-making and self-direction. People could defer to others’ opinions and preferences even once they battle with their very own values or wishes, thereby sacrificing their autonomy and self-determination. For instance, persistently agreeing with a companion’s selections, regardless of private reservations, exemplifies this erosion.
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Elevated Susceptibility to Manipulation
People with poorly outlined or enforced boundaries are inherently extra vulnerable to manipulative techniques. Their reluctance to say their wants and their need to keep away from battle create alternatives for others to take advantage of their willingness to accommodate. This could manifest as accepting unreasonable calls for from colleagues, enduring disrespectful conduct from acquaintances, or being coerced into taking part in actions towards one’s higher judgment. This vulnerability stems from a scarcity of clear limits and a worry of unfavourable repercussions.
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Amplified Danger of Burnout
Boundary neglect immediately contributes to an elevated danger of burnout. The fixed pressure of fulfilling others’ calls for, whereas neglecting one’s personal wants, leads to power stress and emotional exhaustion. People could expertise bodily signs comparable to fatigue, complications, and digestive issues, in addition to psychological signs comparable to irritability, anxiousness, and despair. This stems from a elementary imbalance between enter and output, the place the person persistently provides greater than they obtain, resulting in depletion and in the end, burnout.
The interaction between these sides demonstrates the insidious nature of boundary neglect inside the context of “bending over backwards.” The gradual erosion of private house, compromise of autonomy, elevated susceptibility to manipulation, and amplified danger of burnout collectively contribute to a cycle of self-sacrifice and diminished well-being. Recognizing and addressing boundary neglect is due to this fact essential for breaking this cycle and fostering more healthy, extra balanced relationships {and professional} interactions.
3. Resentment Buildup
Resentment buildup represents a major consequence inside the behavioral sample characterised as “bending over backwards.” It arises from a power imbalance in interpersonal exchanges, whereby one get together persistently prioritizes the wants and wishes of one other at their very own expense. The cumulative impact of those unresolved imbalances manifests as resentment, impacting each the person and the connection.
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Suppressed Wants and Needs
The cornerstone of resentment buildup lies within the routine suppression of 1’s personal wants and wishes. People participating in “bending over backwards” usually prioritize the calls for of others to keep away from battle, search approval, or preserve a perceived sense of concord. This constant self-sacrifice results in an accumulation of unmet wants, creating fertile floor for resentment. For example, an worker persistently taking up additional duties to appease a supervisor could harbor resentment in the direction of the perceived lack of reciprocity and the infringement on their private time. The continuous deferral to others’ preferences leads to an inside ledger of unfulfilled expectations.
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Perceived Inequity and Lack of Reciprocity
Resentment usually stems from a notion of inequity inside a relationship or interplay. When people persistently give greater than they obtain, they could start to really feel exploited or undervalued. A perceived lack of reciprocity, the place efforts usually are not acknowledged or reciprocated, exacerbates this sense of injustice. Think about a scenario the place one companion in a relationship persistently caters to the opposite’s wants with out receiving comparable consideration. This imbalance can result in emotions of resentment, as the person perceives their efforts as being taken as a right. This notion of imbalance is a vital catalyst for the buildup of unfavourable feelings.
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Unresolved Battle and Communication Deficits
The avoidance of battle and the presence of communication deficits contribute considerably to resentment buildup. People who have interaction in “bending over backwards” usually suppress their true emotions and opinions to keep away from confrontation, resulting in unresolved points that fester over time. With out open and sincere communication, these unresolved conflicts accumulate, fueling resentment. An instance is a staff member who passively accepts criticism with out expressing their very own views, permitting resentment to simmer beneath the floor. This lack of direct communication prevents the decision of underlying points and perpetuates the cycle of resentment.
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Erosion of Belief and Intimacy
Extended resentment can erode belief and intimacy inside relationships. The buildup of unfavourable emotions and unresolved conflicts creates a barrier between people, hindering real connection and vulnerability. As resentment grows, people could change into emotionally distant, much less keen to share their ideas and emotions, and extra vulnerable to unfavourable interpretations of their companion’s actions. This erosion of belief and intimacy can in the end harm the connection, resulting in emotions of isolation and disconnection. The emotional distance created by unchecked resentment undermines the muse of wholesome interpersonal bonds.
These sides spotlight the complicated and damaging nature of resentment buildup inside the context of “bending over backwards.” The suppression of wants, perceived inequity, unresolved battle, and erosion of belief collectively contribute to a cycle of unfavourable feelings that may considerably affect particular person well-being and relationship stability. Addressing these underlying components is essential for stopping resentment from taking root and fostering more healthy, extra balanced interactions.
4. Burnout Potential
Burnout potential is considerably amplified when a person persistently engages in behaviors related to the phrase “bending over backwards.” This heightened danger arises from the sustained imbalance between effort expended and private sources, resulting in emotional, bodily, and psychological exhaustion.
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Continual Stress and Overload
The persistent effort to fulfill exterior calls for, usually exceeding cheap expectations, generates power stress. This overload depletes power reserves and compromises a person’s potential to deal with day by day challenges. For instance, knowledgeable persistently accepting further tasks, even when already overburdened, experiences sustained strain that may result in burnout. This fixed state of heightened alert taxes the physique’s sources, in the end resulting in diminished productiveness and well-being.
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Emotional Exhaustion and Depletion
The act of persistently suppressing private wants and feelings in favor of others fosters emotional exhaustion. This depletion stems from the power expended in sustaining a facade of compliance and suppressing real emotions of frustration or resentment. A person repeatedly accommodating unreasonable requests from members of the family could expertise emotional depletion as a result of fixed suppression of their very own wants. The continual act of self-sacrifice leaves people feeling emotionally drained and unable to have interaction absolutely in private actions.
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Diminished Sense of Accomplishment and Efficacy
Regardless of the numerous effort expended, people who “bend over backwards” usually expertise a lowered sense of accomplishment and efficacy. This paradox arises from the truth that their efforts are continuously directed in the direction of fulfilling the objectives of others, fairly than pursuing their very own aspirations. An worker persistently prioritizing the duties assigned by superiors over their very own profession improvement could really feel a diminished sense of accomplishment, regardless of their laborious work. The dearth of private funding and the deal with exterior validation erode the person’s sense of competence and self-worth.
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Cynicism and Detachment
Burnout usually manifests as cynicism and detachment from each work and private relationships. This cynicism is a coping mechanism developed to guard oneself from additional emotional funding and disappointment. A person who has persistently gone above and past for his or her colleagues, solely to be met with indifference or exploitation, could develop a cynical outlook in the direction of their office and their colleagues. This detachment can result in a decline in productiveness, strained relationships, and a common sense of disillusionment.
These interconnected components spotlight the appreciable burnout potential related to “bending over backwards.” The power stress, emotional exhaustion, lowered sense of accomplishment, and cynicism collectively contribute to a state of profound depletion that may have lasting unfavourable penalties on a person’s bodily, psychological, and emotional well being. Recognizing these dangers and implementing methods for establishing more healthy boundaries and self-care practices are important for mitigating the potential for burnout.
5. Manipulation Danger
The inclination to “bend over backwards” considerably elevates the chance of manipulation. This vulnerability stems from the inherent energy imbalance created when one get together persistently prioritizes the wants and wishes of one other, making them vulnerable to exploitation and coercion.
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Exploitation of Compliance
Constant compliance creates an setting ripe for exploitation. People vulnerable to “bending over backwards” usually exhibit a reluctance to say their very own wants or refuse requests, making them straightforward targets for these searching for to reap the benefits of their accommodating nature. A colleague would possibly repeatedly request help with duties that fall exterior of the person’s job description, realizing that the request is unlikely to be refused. This sample establishes a dynamic the place the compliant particular person’s time and sources are routinely exploited, resulting in resentment and burnout.
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Guilt-Tripping and Emotional Coercion
Manipulation usually includes using guilt-tripping and emotional coercion to strain people into complying with calls for. These inclined to “bending over backwards” are significantly weak to those techniques, as they’re usually extremely delicate to the perceived wants and feelings of others. A member of the family would possibly use emotional appeals or threats of disapproval to strain the person into offering monetary help, even when it locations a pressure on their very own sources. The worry of inflicting disappointment or triggering a unfavourable emotional response turns into a robust instrument for manipulation.
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Gaslighting and Actuality Distortion
In additional insidious types of manipulation, people could make use of gaslighting techniques to distort the fact of these vulnerable to “bending over backwards.” This includes denying their experiences, questioning their sanity, or undermining their self-confidence, making them extra depending on the manipulator’s validation. A companion would possibly persistently deny or decrease the person’s considerations about their relationship, main them to doubt their very own perceptions and change into more and more reliant on the companion’s approval. This manipulation erodes the person’s sense of self and their potential to say their very own wants and bounds.
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Lack of Reciprocity and Unfair Burden
Manipulation usually manifests as a scarcity of reciprocity and an unfair burden of duty positioned upon the person who’s inclined to “bend over backwards.” The manipulator persistently takes benefit of the person’s willingness to accommodate, with out providing commensurate assist or help in return. A good friend would possibly repeatedly ask for favors, comparable to transportation or childcare, with out ever reciprocating the trouble. This imbalance reinforces the dynamic of exploitation and contributes to emotions of resentment and burnout on the a part of the accommodating particular person. The constant lack of equity perpetuates the manipulative cycle.
The vulnerability to manipulation, inherent within the tendency to “bend over backwards,” highlights the significance of creating wholesome boundaries and creating assertive communication expertise. Recognizing the techniques employed by manipulators and understanding the underlying psychological dynamics can empower people to guard themselves from exploitation and foster extra balanced and equitable relationships.
6. Diminished Self-Price
Diminished self-worth usually emerges as a consequence of the power conduct sample related to “bending over backwards.” The persistent prioritization of others’ wants over one’s personal, characterised by extreme lodging and boundary neglect, undermines the person’s sense of intrinsic worth and self-respect. This erosion of self-worth will not be merely a tangential impact; it turns into an integral element of the cycle, fueling additional cases of self-sacrifice and exacerbating the underlying drawback. For instance, an worker persistently accepting unreasonable workloads to please a supervisor could internally understand their contributions as solely invaluable insofar as they serve the wants of others, thereby diminishing their sense of inherent worthiness. This cycle reinforces the idea that private worth is contingent upon exterior validation, fostering a dependence on the approval of others.
The sensible significance of understanding this connection lies in recognizing the self-perpetuating nature of the conduct. Addressing the exterior manifestations of “bending over backwards” comparable to extreme compliance with out tackling the underlying problem of diminished self-worth provides solely a superficial answer. Efficient interventions should deal with cultivating self-compassion, selling self-acceptance, and fostering a recognition of 1’s intrinsic worth impartial of exterior achievements or the approval of others. For example, cognitive behavioral remedy methods can help people in difficult unfavourable self-beliefs and creating more healthy patterns of self-perception. Equally, mindfulness practices can improve self-awareness and promote a extra compassionate and accepting angle in the direction of oneself.
In conclusion, the connection between diminished self-worth and “bending over backwards” represents a vital side of understanding the total scope and affect of this behavioral sample. Whereas addressing the exterior behaviors is important, long-term change requires a elementary shift in self-perception, fostering a way of inherent worthiness that reduces the necessity for exterior validation and promotes more healthy, extra balanced interpersonal interactions. The problem lies in overcoming ingrained patterns of self-criticism and creating a strong sense of self-acceptance, in the end breaking the cycle of self-sacrifice and fostering a extra fulfilling and genuine life.
7. Conditional Approval
Conditional approval operates as a major driver behind the conduct encapsulated by the phrase “bending over backwards.” This type of acceptance, contingent upon assembly particular expectations or calls for, fuels a cycle of self-sacrifice and boundary violation. The person searching for conditional approval usually perceives their value as immediately proportional to their potential to fulfill the necessities of others, resulting in a sample of extreme lodging. This creates a state of affairs the place the worry of dropping approval outweighs the priority for private well-being and bounds. For example, an worker persistently working late to fulfill a demanding supervisor’s expectations could also be pushed by the need to take care of a positive efficiency assessment, which is immediately tied to alternatives for development and monetary safety. The approval, nonetheless, is conditional upon continued compliance, perpetuating the cycle of “bending over backwards.” The pursuit of acceptance, due to this fact, acts as a major motivator, obscuring the potential penalties of sustained self-neglect.
Understanding the mechanics of conditional approval inside this context offers invaluable insights into the underlying motivations driving the conduct. Recognizing the affect of conditional approval permits for the event of focused methods geared toward fostering self-acceptance and difficult the idea that value is contingent upon exterior validation. Cognitive restructuring methods, for instance, can help people in figuring out and modifying the unfavourable thought patterns related to the pursuit of conditional approval. Assertiveness coaching can equip people with the talents needed to speak their wants successfully and set up wholesome boundaries with out worry of reprisal or rejection. Furthermore, creating environments the place real appreciation and recognition are supplied no matter efficiency can mitigate the strain to consistently attempt for conditional approval. The sensible software of this understanding extends past particular person remedy, informing organizational insurance policies that promote worker well-being and discourage the exploitation of accommodating people.
In abstract, conditional approval features as a robust, usually unconscious, motivator behind “bending over backwards.” The persistent pursuit of acceptance primarily based on assembly particular standards contributes to a cycle of self-sacrifice, boundary violation, and diminished self-worth. Addressing the underlying need for conditional approval requires a multifaceted strategy, encompassing cognitive restructuring, assertiveness coaching, and the creation of supportive environments that promote unconditional acceptance. The problem lies in dismantling deeply ingrained patterns of searching for exterior validation and fostering a way of intrinsic worthiness, in the end enabling people to interrupt free from the cycle of “bending over backwards” and domesticate extra genuine and fulfilling relationships.
Ceaselessly Requested Questions
This part addresses frequent inquiries relating to the behavioral sample implied by the phrase “bending over backwards,” providing readability on its nuances and implications.
Query 1: What distinguishes “bending over backwards” from easy acts of kindness or helpfulness?
The excellence lies within the frequency, depth, and motivation behind the actions. Whereas kindness and helpfulness are typically reciprocated and promote mutual profit, “bending over backwards” usually includes persistently prioritizing the wants of others to an unreasonable extent, usually on the expense of 1’s personal well-being. The underlying motivation is usually pushed by a necessity for approval or a worry of rejection, fairly than real altruism.
Query 2: Are there particular persona traits that predispose people to “bending over backwards”?
People with low vanity, a powerful want for approval, a worry of battle, or a historical past of people-pleasing are extra vulnerable to this conduct. These traits create a vulnerability to exploitation and make it tough to say private boundaries. Attachment types, significantly anxious-preoccupied attachment, can even contribute to this tendency.
Query 3: What are the long-term penalties of persistently “bending over backwards” in skilled settings?
The long-term penalties embrace burnout, resentment, diminished profession development alternatives, and a lack of skilled credibility. Constantly prioritizing the calls for of others can result in power stress, emotional exhaustion, and a decline in total productiveness. Furthermore, it could create a notion of weak point, making it tough to command respect and advance inside the group.
Query 4: How can people determine if they’re participating on this conduct?
Self-reflection is essential. Think about whether or not there’s a recurring sample of prioritizing others’ wants over one’s personal, issue saying “no,” emotions of resentment or being taken benefit of, and an inclination to hunt exterior validation. Searching for suggestions from trusted pals, members of the family, or a therapist can present further perception and perspective.
Query 5: What methods could be employed to determine more healthy boundaries and break the cycle of over-accommodation?
Methods embrace working towards assertive communication, setting practical expectations, prioritizing self-care, studying to say “no” with out guilt, and difficult unfavourable self-beliefs. Searching for skilled steering from a therapist or counselor can present further assist and instruments for establishing more healthy boundaries and bettering vanity.
Query 6: Can “bending over backwards” ever be useful in sure conditions?
Whereas extreme lodging is usually detrimental, there could also be restricted conditions the place a short lived act of self-sacrifice is warranted. Nonetheless, it’s essential to make sure that these cases are rare, primarily based on real altruism fairly than worry or obligation, and don’t compromise one’s long-term well-being. A transparent understanding of private boundaries and motivations is important.
The sample of “bending over backwards” usually stems from a necessity for exterior validation coupled with a problem imposing private boundaries. This conduct carries potential dangers and adversarial results in the long run.
The subsequent part will delve into sensible methods for mitigating the unfavourable penalties of this conduct and fostering more healthy interpersonal dynamics.
Methods for Mitigating Over-Lodging
The next steering goals to equip people with methods for addressing the behavioral sample of extreme lodging, usually described by the phrase “bending over backwards.” Implementing these methods can foster more healthy boundaries and enhance total well-being.
Tip 1: Outline and Prioritize Private Values. A transparent understanding of private values offers a basis for decision-making. People should determine core rules and use them as a compass when confronted with calls for or requests. Selections ought to align with these values, guiding selections and selling self-respect.
Tip 2: Apply Assertive Communication. Assertive communication includes expressing wants and opinions respectfully and immediately, with out being aggressive or passive. Methods embrace utilizing “I” statements, stating boundaries clearly, and confidently refusing unreasonable requests. Function-playing situations may also help develop proficiency in assertive communication.
Tip 3: Study to Say “No” With out Justification. It’s not all the time needed to offer prolonged explanations for declining a request. A easy, well mannered “no” is usually ample. Over-justifying can create alternatives for manipulation or strain. People should acknowledge their proper to say no with out feeling obligated to offer detailed explanations.
Tip 4: Problem Destructive Self-Beliefs. Determine and problem unfavourable ideas and beliefs that contribute to over-accommodation. Cognitive restructuring methods may also help substitute self-critical ideas with extra practical and compassionate ones. Recognizing and disputing these ingrained beliefs are vital steps.
Tip 5: Prioritize Self-Care. Interact in actions that promote bodily, emotional, and psychological well-being. This contains ample sleep, common train, wholesome consuming, and pursuing hobbies and pursuits. Self-care will not be egocentric; it’s important for sustaining power and resilience.
Tip 6: Search Skilled Steering When Mandatory. If struggling to determine wholesome boundaries or overcome patterns of over-accommodation, searching for skilled assist from a therapist or counselor is really helpful. Remedy can present invaluable insights and instruments for private development and boundary setting.
Implementing these methods requires constant effort and self-awareness. By prioritizing private values, working towards assertive communication, and difficult unfavourable self-beliefs, people can mitigate the dangers related to extreme lodging and foster more healthy relationships.
The concluding part will synthesize the important thing ideas mentioned and supply remaining reflections on the significance of creating wholesome boundaries and self-respect.
Conclusion
The previous exploration of the behavioral sample signified by “bending over backwards e book” has illuminated its multifaceted nature, encompassing extreme lodging, boundary neglect, resentment buildup, burnout potential, manipulation danger, diminished self-worth, and the affect of conditional approval. This evaluation reveals a fancy interaction of psychological and interpersonal dynamics that may considerably affect particular person well-being and relationship stability.
Recognizing the detrimental penalties related to this conduct sample necessitates a dedication to cultivating self-awareness, establishing wholesome boundaries, and fostering self-respect. The adoption of assertive communication methods, the prioritization of private values, and the energetic problem of unfavourable self-beliefs are essential steps in the direction of mitigating the dangers of over-accommodation and selling extra balanced and fulfilling interactions. Continued vigilance and proactive self-care are important for sustaining long-term well-being and stopping the recurrence of this detrimental sample. It’s of significance to prioritize self above of others, if neccesary.
